Fat and Ash

The calendar has brought us again to that curious time of Fat Tuesday (final day or Mardi Gras) and Ash Wednesday (beginning of Lent). I doubt that Mardi Gras needs any introduction to you, the reader. Even the small town I occupy has Fat Tuesday celebrations. I need no introduction either. I do not require new knowledge of drunkenness, obscenity, fornication, and the idolatry of self. I know it all too well.

Ash Wednesday, and the Lenten season, is what may require an introduction. For the beginning of Lent does not carry with it the pleasures of Fat Tuesday. No self indulgence, just self hate. The days of Lent are days of repentance.

Do I need another year celebrating Fat Tuesday? No, for me every day is Fat fucking Tuesday. Every day I live is spent in selfish indulgence. Inebriation controls my judgement. Lust drives my actions. Greed pushes me to anger. Depression impedes my progress. I'm in good company with the Psalmist, "Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me" (51:5).

The Lenten season begins with an unpleasant reality, "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground" (Genesis 2:7a). I'd rather be drunk than listen to that, but it is that truthful reminder that I need most. "Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand" (Matthew 4:17b). I hope to skip Fat Tuesday this year (the first time in a long time) and move directly to receive the ashes, a black reminder of who I am, where I'm from, and where I deserve to go. On Wednesday night I will fill my cupped hand with water to wash the ash from my forehead and remember, "He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned" (Mark 16:16).

I don't want to hear or do any of this. I would rather have the luxury to ignore reality and embrace the deception of Fat Tuesday. Nevertheless, reality can only be ignored so long. Truth demands to be heard, and it is what forces this prayer, "Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner."